Keyboard Diarrhea

Yeah. Dude. I just used diarrhea in the post title. Yuck. No worries though. Its just a phrase.

So I’ve been a bad blogger. I’d list out some good excuses but I don’t really have any. Plus, what is more annoying than a blogger who doesn’t post regularly? A blogger who make a grand apology about it and then goes right back to being a slacker. Again.

What’s been going on around here since my last post. Hmmm. Well I had a fantastic 20 miler and a handful of super fast (for me), really strong (for me) shorter runs. Then I had a 14 miler of pure hell. Then I went to Ohio for a wedding weekend and drank a lot and only ran once. On a treadmill. Slow and hungover at 2pm while watching a show about people who salvage junk out of abandoned buildings. Then I went back to drinking.

Came back from Ohio and headed out for a run with an old friend yesterday. I was so hopeful that the weekend of debauchery would have magically brought back the fabulous running mojo of a few weeks ago. You may be shocked to hear that it didn’t happen that way. That run was turrble. Just turrble. I hadn’t run with this friend since San Diego and I was ashamed of my performance. I drank a bunch of Diet Coke on the way home to soothe my soul. Then I ate a lot of this chocolate almond bark crap that Jeff bought at Costco (because he clearly hates me). So imagine my astonishment when, after all that fabulous nutrition, today’s run? Was just as awful as yesterday’s. Damn it. I just cannot win.

Also my Garmin broke. I think maybe that is where the run mojo streak came to a screeching halt. Damn Garmin. I sent it back to Garmin and they sent me a replacement. The replacement worked for one day. Then it crapped out entirely. Sent that one back and they sent me yet another one. Or so they said. When it still hadn’t arrived after four days I called. Its backordered. Until mid-October. Y’all I know this is a total first world problem but seriously if your run isn’t tracked by a Garmin…did it ever even really happen??

So that is the running update. I was feeling super inspired by my ass-kicking new besties from BRR. I started throwing down some speed and power. I started thinking maybe I could sub-4 at MCM after all. Then the Garmin broke and the wheels fell off. Then I went off the reservation with food and beer (and rum and whiskey and champagne and who’s damn idea was the red wine at that point!?). So I’m discouraged and bloated and chafed in new places. Super!

You recall my shit-hot new conversion van, right? Well I call it a conversion van but its actually just an empty van carcass. There is no cool shit inside yet. Can’t even take the kids for a ride cuz it ain’t go no seats, yo! Jeff does drive it around on random errands (such as “impersonating a deliveryman”). Anyway, I went out of town last month for the relay and while I was gone he bought that gorgeous piece of WTF. Its been parked in the third spot off to the side in our driveway. As out of the way as a 20.5’ long land yacht can be (I just went out and measured it so I’d report that accurately). Then I went away this past weekend to Ohio and he rearranged the parking situation so that the van is smack in the middle of the driveway and we all have to maneuver around it. And when I look out the window? All I see is van. You’re welcome for that awesome bit of “landscaping”, my neighbors! I’m going out of town at the end of this month for MCM. I fully expect to find the van parked in the living room when I get back.

In other news, we keep getting ants in the house. Not in the kitchen, mind you. In weird, foodless parts of the house and only when it rains outside. Apparently these ants can’t swim so they bum rush my house. Anyway, yesterday I woke up before dawn, grabbed my jammie pants off the floor and tugged them on. Went into the bathroom know and what have you. I flip on the light and notice ants on the floor. Then I start feeling the bites. So I start doing the jump-dance-and-slap-yourself routine and screeching for Jeff. He comes in. I point out the smattering of ants that have been trifling with me first thing this morning. He promises to handle it and I head off to wake up the kid. We get downstairs and I am still feeling ant bites. And then I realize. The ants in the bathroom were scattered all over. They were not in a line. That’s weird. So I run back up stairs and double check. Hmmmm. Wait a minute. I go back over to my side of the bed. Perfect line of ants. Marching straight to where my jammie pants had been. Aiiiiiyeeeeeeeeee!! I rip my pants off and shake them out whilst cursing up a storm. Ants in my pants. I totally had ants in my damn pants. Dude.

So that there is a big ol mass of words and I’m going to slap a title on it and hit “Publish” and you all are going to agree that a stupid blog post is better than no blog post. And maybe I’ll have a better run tomorrow and I’ll come back just spewing sunshine and rainbows. Or else I’ll see ya in a month with a MCM recap.

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